This past Friday I was getting my monthly wax, and I do get waxed from head to toe, yes, even down there. I was laying on the bed and she was waxing my legs and it occurred to me that others with fibromyalgia would think I am crazy, submitting myself to this pain. Surely I was crazy, people without Fibro cringe at the idea of getting waxed like I do. I know I did at first. But I tried it and I felt so pretty and wonderful, being completely smooth.
But then it occurred to me, I had that eureka! Moment. It isn’t that waxing doesn’t hurt, but the pain is less mysterious. Unlike fibro, I know when it will hurt, and why, and that it will quickly pass and I know what the results will be. Fibro isn’t like that at all for me. I do not know what all triggers it yet, just stress and overexerting myself physically. But other than that I do not know when it will come, or why, and I do not know when it will go away. I gain nothing from it.
When I wax, the pain is validating and empowering. I choose this pain. I know it will come and go, and that I will feel better about myself afterwards. This pain has a payoff. And when I wax, I am in control of my body and the pain. That little bit of control, makes me feel like myself again. When so much seems out of control, this is what I need. I need some sort of control because, frankly, it feels like I am drifting in the current and I do not know where I am headed, or even why. Some control, no matter how small, is like a star in the sky. It is my north star and in strange, unfamiliar waters, I need thatconstant.