Today I found myself being asked by forces unseen, what was most important to me. Is it my new job, the one I signed papers for today, my first job after having to resign from Amazon because of Fibromyalgia. Was it school, which started for me today, but I missed because I was not feeling well, because of Fibromyalgia. Or is it my health, because of, surprise, Fibromyalgia?
A few things are certain. Fibromyalgia is micro-managing my life. I am being asked questions most people my age don’t have to face. At times, I find it incredibly unfair and at times, it makes me want to throw a temper tantrum, and at times, I do. I lay in bed and thrash my limbs, but not for long, as I know it’s childish and won’t get me anywhere. But honestly, it makes me feel a wee bit better. Which is nice every now and again. I cannot indulge in alcohol, parties or staying up late. So I indulge myself in the occasional temper tantrum when I am alone and stuck in bed. Sue me.
But there is some good to all of this. I am grateful for things people don’t even pay attention to. I know this because I didn’t pay attention to them either. Things that may seem small, like a grilled cheese sandwich when feeling ill. Or soft blankets and on that note, fabric softener. Or big things, like my comfy mattress. Or even bigger and more important things beyond the physical, like my support system, and frankly, days where I can articulate like I am doing now, although typos galore (they shall be fixed)
Fibromyalgia is a new world, a new experience. I wonder where it will take me.
PS-we decided my health was most important.